The One With God...

Ok, ok, I'm getting better at this. I'm getting my grove back.

Yup, like an orange grove. I know, I really must learn to spell.

Interesting to have one with the Devil and then, the night after, have one with God. Anyway...So: As part of the Christian Science Exploration Mission, I was on a starship with other science officers and various members of clergy. Also various healers and life givers, a couple of prophets and God (who looked a LOT like Tom here) had come along for the ride.

So, yeah, we got to an inhabited planet. Went down to check it out. I don't actually think I was on the away mission, but I was more of a disembodied camera for this one. So, anyhow, after meeting the local populace (who strongly reminded me of Tanzanians and called themselves the Moto-toto), we found the Dead Zone.

It was a depression, maybe a half a mile long and forty metres wide, between two ridges. It was dark, and misty and eerie. The trees were dead and blackened. The grass was the same. The Moto-toto had warned us not to take anyone in, 'cos we'd die. Apparently, it was "Where necrotoxin goes to die", which I thought was a great quote for a dream. So, naturally, we sent a life giver: a healer from the states, zombie called Tod, who couldn't die again anyway and God, who wasn't too phased by this.

They explored the area and found not only were the trees and grass still there (I assume because a gas that kills EVERYTHING is a pretty good way to preserve things) but also there were some eggs. They were about half a metre high and very familiar looking. The Moto-toto knew what they were as well and had thrown them into the dead zone to, wisely, stop them from ever hatching.

At this point, the resolution dropped a bit, so I don't remember a huge amount of detail, but we were found on the planet by a bunch of marines who'd been stranded there years ago with a ship still in orbit. So, we gave them a lift back, they, needless to say took a couple of eggs as souvenirs, they hatched once out of the dead zone and facehuggers ran amok on their ship.

There was also an awesome scene with a monkey running along over the heads and shoulders of a crowd brandishing a dead and dried-out facehugger as a trophy. It then placed this into the ship's main control panel (where there was a corresponding shaped depression), which for some reason started the engines. Like in Total Recall. But I have NO idea where that fits into anything.

So...er...yeah.

Oh. Wait! There was also an *incredible* scene with God in a plastic Iron Man costume singing kareoke. Honestly. But I don't know where that was either.

The Ones With All The Big Players...

Well, here's a bloody surprise. Guess who I dreamt about? Three guesses. Nicki? Yes. Hedvig? Yes. Alice? Yes. It was a free-for-all of emotional weirdness. Ah well. Shall we begin? Aaaaaalllllrightythen.

The One With The ShrewMonkey.

Ho Mon, is hot. I got sweat in my fur, Mon! In. My. Fur. Dass no' right.

Still, least I'not tirsty. 'Cos, Mon, when it's hot and you're tirsty...damn. Not a good day. Anyway, I'not tirsty. And so far, ain' no shrews in de crop, neider. So, yeah. Hot. But a good day.

I thinks: Right. Gonna chill in de shade and watch for shrews 'pproachin. So I climb uppa mango tree, Mon! Up dere wit'de mangoes! Hang dere by me hands and me feet and me tail. I looks down and think of the image we two muss look like! De blonde, beautiful farm-girrl and her trusty ShrewMonkey. Ain't no shrews getting pass me! I'ma show them shrews who de boss mon! Me! Hey farm-girrl? I thinks, Wanna mango? Nope? Mangos for me.

There! I seen it! A shrew! Coming for de crops!

Hell no, Shrew! I trow down my mango at it. Miss de ting! Climb down. Hands and feet and tail. Run over to farm-girrl! Come on, girrl, what you got? Oh yeah! Shrew, you stuck now! She gon brush you! Wit her broom! Oh Mon! Bye bye Shrew! Dat's right! You better run! You go back live in yo little shrew house made of a book!

Oh Mon! She donnit again! Farm-girrl! No! How many times? You don ruff a monkey's fur! Aa! No! None of this scratchin and scritchin behind me ears! I don't care how affectionate you tink you're being! You with dat big smile on your face! Who's a good ShrewMonkey, you say? I *know* dat! I *know*! I seen it coming, dat shrew!

Still...you are cute. For a humon.

Whassat noise? Mon, dat shrew come back! An dis time, he got other shrews wit him! And tiny monkeys. And a snake. Oh Mon! Why'da snake? I hate snakes! A shout my alarm.

Firm-girrl gonna need more don a broom, dis time. She gotta close de gate. I get de lock. Mon! Dis ting near as big as I am! But dere! ShrewMonkey let you down? Ho no!! Not me! Farm-girrl! Hey! Wake up, you! Start movin'! Push dis gate! Dat's better. Slow humon! I'do it, but it about ten time bigger dan me. Good work farm-girrl!

Mon! I can hear dem! Alla dem little shrews on odder side of de gate! Scribblin and Scrabblin. And dem little monkeys. What dey workin wit shrews for? Disgrace! But I can't see. But I climb up de gate! And den onto Hedvig de firm-girrl's shoulder. I can see dem shrews! All bored now! No crop for you! Ha! An up dere, lookin out on de valley and de sundown, I can feel de best ting I felt all day:

A cool breeze.


That was pretty cool, no? I'm a big fan of dreams where I get to be something other than me. It's like a holiday from your body. And your mind actually. For just a couple of hours you get to live with a changed attitude: No fear. Or lots of anger. Or a monkey accent. Whatever, Mon.

The next one was set in Ringwood, which, for those of you that haven't been there is a small town on the edge of the New Forest. And I was playing me again. Always a good plan: Being yourself in a dream. Makes them more than just entertainment, makes them
a model for reality. Let's you go, I wonder what I'd do in *this* situation.

So, yeah. What the hell was I talking about?

Oh yeah! Ringwood. I was walking along Ringwood high-street towards the slightly covered markety bit with my beautiful girlfriend, Nicki and my cousin William. We had decided not to take the cars to the market bit. The rest of the family would be following later. we walked along danced swung round lampposts. Generally, had a very good time. In fact such a good time, that one old lady commented that we must all be drunk. Cynical old wench.

We arrived at the shop, went inside and sat down. It was hard to find someone to sit the shop was so full. All of the members of my family were there, both sides. Eventually the staff managed to serve them and they left one by one, until I was the only person left.

All of staff disappeared to just one man was left, on the phone.he was discussing a new book with an author. Talking about chapters, editing, cover art.he held up a finger to need to indicate that he would be off the phone in one minute and I should wait. The bell above the door tinkled gently as another person came in and sat down, I didn't turn around soon was.

The man finished his call and turned to the person who had just come in. "Did you make the changes I recommended?", "I did" replied a soft, familiar voice. Which rang little alarm bells in the concious part of my brain: "You're dreaming about Alice? Again? WTF man? Have you no discipline?" and so on.

But it all turned out fine. I turned saw her, she didn't recognise me. I turned away, and got on with describing my book, Noodle Related Super Powers, to this publisher. I talked about how it was about 60000 words, detailed the dreams of a dreamer, was about losing love. Et cetera.

And I managed to do all of this coolly and calmly without standing up and pointing and shouting "It's all about how *that* screwed me over". Which I think was mighty impressive. And then I turned, left the shop, and walked in the sunlight with Nick.

Right, that's about it.

Later