The One With Buzz Lightyear

Right, fine that's enough of re-posts and guest posts. You guys deserve some fresh, quality produce. So, here, steaming hot and fresh out of the brain-oven is The One With The BUZZ LIGHTYEAR

The sun streamed through Andy’s open window. On the wooden floor Woody and the other toys were playing cards and idly whiling away the empty hours performing routine maintenance. Hamm and Rex were up on the desk in front of the window, they were each using either side of the console controller to manoeuvre their character in a computer game. 

On the screen the strong, dashing Buzz Lightyear of Star Command dodge heavy fire and rolled athletically behind cover. Wearing his characteristic white and green armour with scorch marks and dents, he tensed and then exploded back into the fray. 

Picking off enemies with his wrist laser, he sprinted (sprant?) for the closing blast doors that would, within seconds, prevent his access to Zurg’s underground fortress. With the last ounce of strength he dived through the gap and the doors snapped shut.

But in the brightly lit interior a huge green tentacle monster awaited. All slime and poor graphics. Buzz was trapped and his laser had no effect. Slowly, surely doom advanced upon him.

Restart   Y   /   N  ???

With a cry, Rex threw up his tiny arms and Hamm loudly claimed to anyone listening that the game was a fix and couldn’t be beaten. Buzz who’d been stood, leaning against the windowfram watching the street outside nonchalant as a space ranger can be, sighed, walked over and took the control.

Restart Y.

Within minutes (or instantly because this is dream time and my brain can do what it likes, including having GREAT rendering on Buzz Lightyear, but awful rendering on scenery and tentacle monster) Buzz was back behind the same wall for cover again. This time he’d managed to acquire Hyper Armour and picked up a Plasma Launcher along the way in a side quest. He stood pristine and barely out of breath, no scorch marks and cheesy grin firmly in place.

Buzz in hyper armour. Obviously. Not Magneto (at all)

Strolling out from behind cover he vaporised the approaching enemies and, turning the weapon up to 11, blasted a hole through the fortress doors big enough to drive a car through. He walked to the hole, peered past the still-glowing, tortured steel plates and saw the huge tentacle monster sliming toward him. Seconds later burnt green calamari littered the floor and Buzz shrugged off the, now-spent shoulder cannon and walked through the hole in the door.

Into a deserted production facility.

Forget graphics, when you imagine this: Everything was crystal clear. The new-suped up armour was gone and had taken the wrist-mounted laser with it. I was completely alone.Row upon row of cold steel tables had the slight slant and drainage plug-hole that suggested bad, messy things happened here. From the ceiling hung chains ending in sharp steel hooks, covered in clotted, dried blood. What little light there was came from a few (far too few) white florescent tubes that blinked randomly.

I walked, silently between the tables. Looking for a way out. A way onward. But there was nothing but a locked door. White, like the rest of the room. Hall. Workshop. Whatever it was.

Behind me a test-tube fell to the floor from one of the tables and the tinkling of glass was accompanied by the clinking of the hanging steel chains. Maybe not completely alone. I froze.

My skin was crawling, my heart beat faster and faster in my throat and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Fighting every instinct I have, I forced myself to turn around. To face whatever was standing behind me. Poised. Ready to strike me in the face and tear me limb from limb.

But there was nothing there.

Then I saw them, two scorpion/human guards. Pale and gleaming. Armoured and dank in their chitin skins. Not truly alive and, therefore, incredibly difficult to stop, but fast, agile and single-minded. One scuttled across the ceiling and the other darted between the tables.

(Art by the talented MDMartin on dA which is here)

I ran, but locked in the room with them where was I to go. I knocked over a few tables to clear some space around me. If I could see them coming, I might be able to swing a kick or land a punch.

But it didn’t come to that. As the metal table legs screamed across the ceramic tiles on the floor, an answering shriek came from directly above me. I looked up in time to see a shape dropping on me, all legs and claws and venom. And death.

And I woke up rather than face it any longer...